bad jokes

[wookie]

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"

[wookie]

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation,
"I now pronounce you man and wife."

[blargimevil]

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Texan were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you! We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you and then use your skins to make a canoe! The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I will take ze sword!" The chief gives him a sword and the Frenchman yells, "Viva la France!" He then runs himself through. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please!" The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out! The Texan says, "Give me a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The Texan takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over - the stomach, the chest, everywhere! The Texan has blood gushing out all over! The chief is shocked. He asks the Texan, "What are you doing?!" The Texan replies, "So much for your canoe!"

[wookie]

Q) How did the leper lose the poker game?


A) He threw in his hand.

[mrmartin]

Q) Why did Hellen Keller's dog go crazy?


A) You would too if your name was "UUUURRRGGGG"